4 Months Tomorrow

(photos: our only warmish day so far this year my hat is knit by Gabriel and Oliver's is knit by me, book time in CA with my mom, out to brunch with my grandparents in CA)

Wowza! The little guy will be four months old tomorrow. Mostly during the last four months my sense of time has been way off. When Oliver turned one month old I couldn't believe it because it all still felt so new, and well, like I still didn't know what I was doing. Some days (or nights) feel oh so long and yet weeks and months zoom by. But this time I have to say that four months feels just about right. I feel like he is still a new little guy that we are getting to know and at the same time I feel like we are really getting the hang of things and I do know him and my new self better and better all the time. Four months, I feel kind of proud of us.

We are up in Celo right now and it snows at least a few flurries every day. So much snow on the ground and bellow freezing temperatures. A winter like I have never had in North Carolina but one that is closer to the winters of Gabriel's youth. Gabriel is away this month at wilderness medicine camp (a wilderness medicine rotation) in eastern Tennessee. We are apart this month except for 2 weekends that he is visiting us in Celo. Marilyn stayed with Oliver and I in Chapel Hill for a few days and then my mom came to Chapel Hill for a week and then we are up in Celo together with Bruce for the final two weeks that Gabriel and I are apart. Tough to be apart. It feels so cliche to say but it really is true that Oliver does something new pretty much every single day.

Two days ago Oliver started rolling over from his back onto his belly. He is so funny about it because he seems so determined to get onto his belly until he gets there and then he is like "oh crap! All that work and I ended up in my least favorite position ever." But when he squawks for me to flip him over and I oblige, he just flips himself right back onto his belly again.

Today his new trick is that during bath time he coughed a couple of times and I coughed back to him and then he coughed back at me and we repeated this back and forth exchange several more times. Other than smiling this is his first real imitation. Amazing.

Getting back online

Well here we go again! On October 18th, 2009 at 5:59 am, Oliver Fox McCade was born in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. He weighted 7lbs 15 oz and was 21 inches long.

Before the start of the induction

Seconds after Oliver was born. About 8 hours. No pain meds!

The above two photos were taken when he was only about 90 seconds old. So perfect!

I have not forgotten about my blog. I think about it all the time but I have been just too busy to get to it. Oliver is almost 4 months old now and things have been easier and easier but as I have started to have more free time again I have had other priorities than blogging. I had to just know that I would know when the time was right to start again. There was nothing terribly remarkable about today that made it right, it just was.

Of course, Oliver is supposed to wake up any moment from his first of many naps of today but I will type away for a moment. It is a little daunting trying to figure out where to start. We have never taken so many pictures in our lives so to completely play catch up on the last few months would take forever. Maybe we can just do the highlights? And then at some point I will just let the present take over.

I really look forward to blogging now for new reasons. Before my blog was somewhat of a record for me but was mostly about sharing with others what was going on with me. Now it is more than ever about being a record for myself of these exciting early days with my young son. I now live in a strange world where in some regards very little happens in my days spent mostly at home keeping the little man happy, dry and fed. And at another glance my life has never been so filled with new and exciting developments almost every day. Oliver's growth and development has new things happening at least every three days I would say, and sometimes every day. Sadly, at the same time reflecting back on these weeks and months has never felt so blurry as it does at this time. Between the lack of sleep and the fact that as a new parent I am so immersed in the present moment that I don't even have the time to sit and reflect on the day at the end of it, it is hard to have strong and fresh memories of the events of these early days.

While I am so much happier and my mind is so much calmer now than when my head was so full of questions and wonder when I was still pregnant or during those first few weeks with a newborn, I still wish I had had the time to really reflect and pat myself on the back for pregnancy or child birth. Whenever in my life I have experienced such life changing events I often spend days processing the experience, mulling it over and recording it in my mind. Not the case this time. I remember in the first day following my labor thinking back to those hours of hard work and being in awe of myself and then quickly you hit the ground so hard running for your life to adjust to new life with a newborn that at this point thinking about my labor is foggy at best. And pregnancy! Wow, by the end of it I thought I had been pregnant forever, like it was a new part of my permanent identity. And then poof! Just like that, in one day after months of building and building I was sleeping on my stomach again within 24 hours of the little muffins arrival.

Wow! I guess I do have a lot to say! Well, I guess I should move along and get to some of the other things I should be doing today but hopefully this is just the beginning of sharing again with the outside world. I really don't want to commit right now to how often I will be back on here but I do hope to really have returned!

Lot's of love from Mama Oliver